Episode Eleven: Being the Bad Guy

I hate being the bad guy. I've been referred to by passengers as "steward," "seatbelt officer," "trash man," and the ever charming "young man," but I have also been called "the mean man" on at least two occasions. Both times involved children, but I was not the one being mean. At all.

On a recent flight from Asheville to Fort Lauderdale, I was preparing the cabin for landing. I was flying the lead position that day and I was making my final cabin checks. Nearing row 30, I noticed a toddler standing in his seat without a seatbelt. I kindly asked the mother to make sure he was safely seated for landing.

"I'm trying, but he pooped himself."

I nodded and said I understood, but I did need him seated for landing.

"Oh he will sit. That is his punishment. I asked him many times if he had to go potty and he said 'no,' but he did and now he has to sit in it."

I nodded again and kept smiling. I directed my attention to the little boy.

"Buddy, would you please sit down for me? That would be very helpful and nice of you!"

The mom interrupted. "Yeah, sit down before the mean man yells at you. He is going to yell at you if you don't sit down! He's going to yell at you so loudly. Do you want to be yelled at?"

While she was scaring her child into sitting--instead of putting on the parent hat and making sure he sat down--I kept smiling at the boy. He began to look scared as she kept telling him how mad I was going to be towards him if he did not sit. He finally did sit down, and I said in my most cheerful voice--"thank you, buddy!"

I looked at the mother who was now smiling at me.

"I don't yell at children, ma'am."

I continued back towards the front of the cabin to take my jumpseat for landing. My job is not to be mean to passengers. I am not on the plane to threaten you, scare you, or make your trip unpleasant. My job is to keep you safe, and I do it in the most pleasant way possible. Sure there can be a stern warning here and there, but I have never raised my voice at a passenger, let alone a child. I find more fault with the parents who let their child do whatever he or she wants.....such as letting him or her wander to the bathroom when we are 500 feet off the ground. I do understand that a two-and-a-half year old will have trouble sitting down for a long time, but the response "he/she won't let me" to my earnest pleas does not find favor with me.

It has been shown that kids do sometimes listen better to other adults in-charge than their parents. I have no reservations about calmly coaxing a child to sit down, but I suppose it is easier for the parent to make me the bad person. It's quicker and I understand. I just don't like it.

When performing cabin compliance, I hear parents tell their children to quickly put their bag under the seat in front of them or "that man will yell at you." My coworkers have experienced similar instances and they feel the same way. We aren't here to be mean to you, and we aren't here to scold your child. But I have witnessed other crew members yell at passengers for the most simplest of things. There are different ways we can handle situations on board the aircraft, and this recent trend of people equating flight attendants with being "mean" must mean that some are indeed being mean. (mean, mean, mean).

I found that the best way to keep kids in their seat on an airplane is by bringing an approved child restraint system (CRS), such as an approved car seat or a CARES harness. There is a sense of normalcy for the child in the CRS instead of being lost in the bigger airplane seat. It is also safer for the child during all phases of flight as kids sometimes fidget or wiggle out of the seatbelt. I have a fellow FA friend on a flight where the parents took the child out of the seatbelt during landing and when the aircraft touched down, the child fell forward out of the seat and knocked himself into the seat in front of him. He was injured and the routine landing then turned into a medical situation.

In certain situations, I do have to be the bad guy. If you are caught smoking on my plane (which has happened three times so far), then I will have to ask you for your ID and then write a report for the FAA. If you refuse to comply with crewmember instructions or become disruptive on the plane, then you will face the likelihood of not travelling that day. Flying has become stressful for passengers, and this is the excuse that I hear most often. I read an article about "stress-free flying" and basically it stated to just follow the rules. Do your homework when booking on another airline. Is there a bag fee? What will be offered during the flight? Get to the airport early to allow time for check-in, bag drop, TSA lines, and possible parking congestion. Always remember that aircraft doors close at least ten minutes prior to the departure time listed on your ticket. Follow the instructions given by your crew. All of these wrapped together makes for stress-free flying, for you and for your fellow passengers. Just don't mistake someone doing their job for "being mean," and for parents travelling with small children, take advantage of your crew's knowledge and help and let your child know we are there for everyone's safety and comfort, not to be mean and scary.

And on our part, we can strive to modify our tones and attitude when instructing passengers to stow a bag or fasten their seat belt. Tone is the most important factor in language. I could be saying "have a nice day," but it is the tone of my voice that conveys the meaning. My recurrent training class has a section devoted entirely to tone and word choice in de-escalating situations, and the training has proved to be beneficial in many situations I have encountered. And I can safely say that yelling at children is not in my manual.