Episode Six: Compliance and Vaporization

As I said before, my job is all about safety. Many passengers think of me as their personal servant: "stow my bag, sir; bring me another drink, sir; take my trash, right now." Service is part of the job, but flight attendants are first responders trained in all things safety related to aircraft operations. Your safety is our priority. We have to enforce hundreds of Federal Aviation Regulations during all phases of flight, most importantly prior to takeoff and landing, the two most critical parts of air travel. Accidents can occur during these crucial phases so intense and thorough cabin preparation is essential for a safe departure.

On a recent flight to Fort Lauderdale from Columbus, we had already pushed back from the gate when I noticed a passenger without his seat belt fastened. As I walked past him to my safety demonstration position, I tapped him on his shoulder and asked him to buckle his seat belt. After the demo while performing a compliance check on my way to the aft galley to take my jumpseat, I noticed that he had not yet fastened his seat belt.

"Sir, please fasten your seat belt for departure."

"Really, what's the use? It's not going to keep me alive if we crash. We will all be vaporized."

In my almost year of flying, I've heard numerous passengers protest wearing a seat belt, but I've never had a passenger with such a positive outlook on his flight that day. This was also the last flight of the day for me, so my eight hour smile was quickly dissolving. Other passengers began looking in our direction.

"It's the law, and it will keep you safe in an accident."

He glared at me, tilted his head, and then fumbled with the shorter part of the belt as he tried in earnest to cross it over his waist.

"See, it won't fit!!"

(slight pause)

"Sir, the other part is located to your right. It will fit."

Ah, there is nothing more satisfying than the click of seat belts, and lo and behold, his buckled just right. I reminded him that his backpack needed to be under the seat in front of him. He instead moved it under his feet and folded his arms.

"No sir, under the seat in front of you."

"Are you serious!?"

"Yep."

Once his exhibition had concluded, I continued to the back and took my seat for takeoff. From this altercation, one would think that this passenger was an old, grumpy man set on being an extra-special customer. Wrong. He was in fact a college student, at least a year or two younger than me. My time at college taught me a vast amount of life lessons, but I guess the course on being extremely cynical  and refusing to comply with crewmember instructions (a federal offence) was not offered at my institution.

I do not ask passengers to do these simple tasks four to eight times a day because I want to be annoying, but because all of these Federal Aviation Regulations guarantee a safer cabin in the event of an accident.

 "Please stow all carry-on items in an overhead bin or under the seat in front of you"
       Having backpacks, purses, and other small bags placed under the seat leaves the area around   your feet clear from tripping hazards in the event of an evacuation. Also, if you have seat mates in the same row, stowing your bag keeps their egress equally clear. Promise me this, dear readers, that if you should ever be in a situation on board that requires an evacuation, LEAVE EVERYTHING! Fumbling for your bags or suitcases risks your own life and that of your fellow passengers. You cannot also safely slide down an emergency chute with a carry-on bag, again compromising the safety of other travelers. Items can be replaced; your life is precious. Sometimes passengers keep their bags in an empty seat next to them. Again, not allowed. If we hit turbulence, those items can become airborne and could hit fellow passengers. A heavy purse is even more lethal when it is traveling at hundreds of miles of hour in an enclosed cabin.

 "Please fasten your seat belts whenever you are seated and whenever the seat belt sign is on"
       Seat belts do keep you safe, college kid. In an aircraft, the seat belts are designed to keep you physically in your seat, which is the safest place for you to be while on board. Aircraft seats are specifically constructed to withstand a high amount of g-forces, whether experienced through turbulence, a hard landing, or an accident. Also, just because the fasten seat belt sign has been turned off during cruise doesn't mean that it is entirely safe. Clear air turbulence is unexpected, violent, and always poses a threat. I know of fellow crew members being thrown against the ceiling, slammed back on the floor, and then requiring hospitalization from these events. Turbulence is no joke and even though flight attendants are constantly moving around the cabin during multiple phases of flight, caution is of the utmost importance. So please, if you do not need to use the lavatory and you choose to stay seated, keep your seat belt fastened at all times.

 "Ensure that your tray tables are in their upright and locked position"
     Lowered tray tables can equally block a path of egress in the event of an evacuation. So yes, you do need to put them up. "Surely you can't be serious!" I am serious, and don't call me Shirley.

"Laptops must be placed under the seat in front of you during taxi, takeoff, and landing"
      I certainly would not like a MacBook Air Pro flying at my face as the aircraft is taking off at 160 miles an hour, would you?

Flying is the safest form of transportation in existence. Thousands of planes takeoff and land safely every single day around the world. We sometimes see aviation accidents in the news and think how these occurrences must be on the rise, but they are still very rare. Flight attendants are trained to keep you safe at all times and charged with evacuating an aircraft in less than 90 seconds should the need arise. During every takeoff and landing, flight attendants perform a mental checklist reviewing evacuation orders and procedures. I used to mouth my review, but some passengers in the front cabin would ask me if I am praying (which I do before every takeoff and landing, but in my head). Instead I fix my gaze towards the back bulkhead of the cabin and review the following:

Location and operation of emergency exits 
Which door am I in charge of? What is my secondary exit? How do I open the door and inflate the slide? What should I do if the slide does not inflate? 

Evacuation commands 
Heads down, stay down! Release seat belts, remain seated! Release seat belts, come this way! Come this way, jump and slide, leave everything! Exit blocked, go across! Exit blocked, go back/forward now!

Emergency Light Switch (ELS)
Am I in charge of initiating the emergency escape path lighting?

Passenger Count
How many passengers are on board? How many lap children? Where are the wheelchair passengers located? Which able-bodied passengers can I call on in the event of an evacuation?

Location of the aircraft
Is the aircraft over land or water? Which exits will be usable? What are my water evacuation commands? 

At the end of the day, your flight attendants have your back in all sorts of emergency situations. Along with the captain, we are the authorities in the cabin and passengers are required to comply with our instructions. And if you choose not to, you cannot fly. And if you really don't comply, you can explain your reasoning to police officers as they escort you off the plane. Imagine, if you will not listen to my request for you to fasten your seat belt, will you listen to me when I'm shouting for you to "remain seated" or "jump and slide" during an evacuation?

We love our job and we love what we do. Please help your flight attendants keep air travel safe, secure, and enjoyable not only for yourself but for your fellow passengers.

Glenda the Good Stewardess

Yes, I really am in charge, and yes, every word out of my mouth is federal law. So please, make my day :)

Episode Five: Adventures in Babysitting

One of the greatest highlights in my career is witnessing the sheer excitement passengers have when stepping on the aircraft set for vacation. From Spring Break college students to retirees yearning for sun-drenched days at the beach, their eagerness is somewhat contagious among other passengers and crew members.

My airline offers ultra low fares to vacation destinations from middle America cities, some once without regular air service, so we attract a variety of passengers. Some of our customers can finally afford a vacation; some drive more than three hours to reach the airport; some have never set foot on a plane before. I had the pleasure of welcoming an eighty-year-old man from Knoxville on his first trip on an airplane because he was finally able to afford it. I've served Make-A-Wish families travelling on momentous and unforgettable vacations to Disney World, ever so thankful for the opportunity. Every flight is a new experience with new passengers and I try in earnest to make a comfortable and enjoyable environment for them.

Children are by far my favorite type of passengers. In them I see myself as a young traveler excited more for the plane ride than for the vacation itself. I must say they are also the most attentive passengers in the cabin. While performing the safety demonstration, I catch a glimpse of them following along with the safety card unfolded in their lap (the one thing flight attendants dream their passengers would actually do) and making sure their parent or sibling also does the same. They proudly display their fastened seat belts as I perform cabin checks, and I remember hearing one young boy tell his mother "mom, the seat belt light is on. Make sure your seat belt is fastened!" I really enjoy their reactions when I answer their questions as to how high we are cruising, how fast we are flying, and yes, I have some extra wings in my bag. I don't think their smiles can be any brighter nor their eyes any wider. 

On one of my last flights when I was based in Orlando, I was flying a Cincinnati turn in the evening. We only had about thirty or so passengers on-board, but one little girl travelling with her entire family boarded already wearing a set of airplane wings.

"Well, I didn't know we had another crew member travelling with us tonight. Would you be able to help me later on with some flight attendant duties?"

She beamed up at me and nodded. Her mother smiled behind her saying "wouldn't that be lovely!"

After we completed the beverage service, I asked the girl if she was ready to perform cabin duties with me. I handed her some gloves and we, along with her dad who was taking pictures, walked down the aisle collecting some used service items from the passengers. 

I reminded her that "no matter how stinky the garbage may be, we always say 'thank you' and smile."

When we got to the aft galley, we put away the trash and then proceeded to check the lavatories to make sure everything was in working order and that nothing suspicious was inside. I then took her on a grand tour of the flight attendant stations and galley area. We took a look at emergency equipment, the jumpseat, the interphone, and how to stock the beverage carts for the next in-flight service. As she and her dad walked back towards their seats, I got on the PA and made an announcement to the cabin introducing our newest flight attendant. The cabin erupted in applause and some passengers gave her high-fives. She, and her family, were all smiles for the rest of the trip.

I've noticed that passengers, especially mothers, are very comfortable asking a flight attendant to watch their child, or children, so that a quick trip to the lavatory could be possible. At one point, I held a woman's newborn baby as she settled into her seat, and I think I told the other flight attendant to take my picture so I could show my mom; another time I sat with a very happy toddler as his mom went to change her other child's diaper. One boy thought it was so cool that I spoke French like himself on a recent flight to Montréal that he gave me stickers and high-fived me each time I passed by him. 

Providing sincere and impeccable customer service is an integral part of being a flight attendant. It is hard sometimes to maintain such a level after flying for twelve hours or in the process of dealing with irate customers, but I have learned that a smile or even a simple "how are you" goes a long way. I try to be as nice to kids on-board as other flight attendants were to me. Who knows, these kids could be my co-workers in years to come. By that time, I'd like to be senior enough to hold Christmas off :)

-EJ

Little Me

One of this blog's followers, and a fellow crew member, requested to see a picture of me from when I would "play airplane" by rearranging dining chairs into an aircraft cabin. The best I could come up with is me dressed as a US Airways captain for Halloween when I was about ten years old. I still have the hat! And those plastic wings are now vintage as US Airways is now merged with American Airlines :/

Episode Four: The Vomiter

During the month I was on reserve in Fort Lauderdale, I was called in for trips maybe three or four times. On other reserve days, I stayed home and did errands. As I only live about five minutes from the airport, I didn't have any constraints to be at the gate within 90 minutes when on-call.

One day in September I was called for a double trip to Indianapolis, IN and Lexington, KY. For the first half of the day, my position was as the lead flight attendant (LFA). After returning back to Fort Lauderdale to prepare for the next trip to Lexington, the number three flight attendant (#3) volunteered to switch positions with me. I was very appreciative for her mercy on a new-hire, and since both positions were stationed in the front of the aircraft, I agreed. 

The flight was fairly full and we finished service about 40 minutes into the flight. I was in the forward galley sitting next to the LFA when the interphone rang. She answered and motioned with her finger that it was a call from the other two flight attendants in the aft galley. I nodded and began to restock the beverage cart. 

She then gasped and said "oh my God, I'll be right there."

"What's going on?" I asked, a bit shocked.

"Someone just threw up all over flight attendant #2."

The LFA grabbed some paper towels from the galley and ran to the back of the plane. I stayed up at the front for security reasons and kept smiling at the rows of passengers staring at me. I don't know which was more painful: the stares or my forced smile.

After a few moments, the LFA interphoned me and asked me to bring more paper towels, sani-wipes, trash bags, and the infection control kit (the "ick" kit) from the forward overhead compartment. She returned to the front and I went to the back to help clean.

I was greeted by twelve passengers crying and reaching out for the sani-wipes in my hands. A passenger to my right in 30A was not wearing any pants and was frantically wiping her arms with a paper towel. The aisle was covered in paper towels and the aft galley walls and carts were doused in vomit. It really looked like someone had died back there.

The passenger who had this unfortunate and surreal episode had thrown up on the last two rows of the plane (occupied by the twelve passengers). In his haste to reach the back lavatories, he entered into the galley and projectile vomited in a 360 degree fashion over the compartments and the number two flight attendant. Graciously, the gentleman offered to assist in the clean-up process. I passed out the sani-wipes to the contaminated passengers and they scrubbed their skin and clothes for the remainder of the flight.

We managed to clean up as much as we could with our supplies, but we asked the captain to let Lexington know that we needed cleaners. After the passengers deplaned, I asked the gate agent if the cleaners would be here shortly. She presented a man, with a single broom, who exclaimed he was the cleaner and "where the spill was located." I smiled, looked at the broom (which would accomplish nothing), and said "we no longer need your service. Thank you."

Thankfully, the return flight was uneventful. But we did give the galley the best wipe-down it probably had ever received in years. 

My favorite telling of this story comes from flight attendant #4 who was in the back with #2 during the event:

"Okay so, EJ, you seen me up here getting my food from the oven. I took my food and went to the back, sat in my seat, and was about to dig in to the blessing in front of me. Number 2 said 'oh, that smells wonderful" and I replied 'yes, would you like a bite?' She said 'oh, no thank you.' So I get my fork and put a potato on it. I'm so ready for this food, and how about this man gonna come back here and start throwing up all over the place. It was like something out of a horror movie. I turned against the exit door and put my jacket over my face. I didn't even get to eat."

-EJ

Episode Three: Live Animals

I really like animals. I love dogs, cats are fine, and the occasional rabbit is equally agreeable with me. But when there is an animal on-board an aircraft, that is a completely different story. Mostly because of the passenger handling the animal, or as some refer to them, their "child."

Ma'am, I hate to break it to you, but that is not your child. It is an animal and it needs to be in its carrier under the seat in front of you for the duration of the flight. I'm not telling you this because I don't like your pet, but because it is one of the Federal Aviation Regulations I must enforce to keep you, and 150 other passengers, safe. Normally, passengers understand and comply, but there have been instances when such a simple request has led to absolute insanity. 

--------------------------------------

I picked up an Austin trip on one of my days off to earn some extra money. My crew was excellent and I had flown with them before, but as seniority states, I had the last pick of the four flight attendant positions on-board the plane. We were on an MD-80 and I was stuck with position number four (#4) in the tailcone. I didn't mind being seated in the back between the two lavatories and slowly becoming deaf from the roar of the two engines mounted on the back of the plane; it was actually kind of peaceful and serene. Plus the number two flight attendant (#2) seated next to me was a fellow anthropology major like myself, so we had good conversation. 

My position as #4 during the beverage service was at the forward side of the serving cart with #2 on the other side. We worked aft to front starting with row 37 and ending at around row 18. Passing row 28, I noticed a passenger with an orange cat on his lap. Passengers are allowed to have service animals or emotional support animals out on their laps during the flight, so I opted to check the manifest at the end of the beverage service to verify if the cat was a service animal. As #2 passed the gentleman, she immediately informed him that the cat must remain in the carrier for the flight. He hesitated, looked at #2, took the cat by the neck, and stuffed it in the carrier. We finished service and #2 told me she already informed the passenger prior to takeoff that the cat had to be in the carrier; it wasn't a service animal. 

Later on in the flight nearing initial descent, I did a trash run to the back of the plane where the large trash carts are kept. While there, a woman came to me and pulled me aside. 

"Sir, I need to tell you something."

"Yes ma'am, how can I help you?"

"There is a cat in the lavatory."

I looked at her for a moment and she stared right back. 

"I beg your pardon, ma'am."

She again said that "there is a cat in the lavatory."

She pointed to the lavatory nearest to me and motioned for me to open the door. With my hand on the handle, questioning my sanity, I imagined some feral cat leaping from side to side, meowing and clawing everything. I opened the door, looked, and to my surprise, there was indeed a cat in the lavatory. Thankfully in its carrier, but just chillin' on top of the toilet seat. The floor was covered in scat and a purple rag covered in more cat droppings was sticking out of the trash bin. I thanked the woman and picked up the interphone to inform the lead flight attendant (LFA). At the same time, #2 came to the back and I told her the situation. She opened the lavatory door, gasped, and we both began laughing.

Both #2 and I told the lead flight attendant that the cat must belong to the gentleman in row 28 as there weren't any other animals on the plane. The lead brought the man to the back as #2 and I tried our best to put on a straight face. 

LFA: "Sir, you were told to keep the cat in the carrier under the seat in front of you."

PAX: "It got sick"

LFA: "I don't care. You were told multiple times to keep the cat in the carrier under the seat."

PAX: "I don't see the big deal here."

I think at that time the LFA, #2, and I did a simultaneous eye role. 

LFA: "It is a big deal. If the cat was left unsecured in the lavatory during landing, it would have been thrown against the wall from the force. You would have had a smashed cat upon arrival. Take it back to your seat, now."

The man huffed, grabbed the carrier, and sat back down in his seat. I went up to the woman who had first told me about the cat in the lavatory; she was seated a few rows behind cat man. 

"I just have to know. Did you move the cat to use the restroom? There was another one right across the aisle."

"Oh, sir, I just really had to go!"

The back of the plane erupted into laughter, as they were witnesses to the event, as cat man placed his head in his palms. 

"I don't know how you do it, sir," she replied.

I smiled. "I don't know either." 

-EJ

Episode Two: Seniority

Seniority in the flight attendant realm dictates everything: your schedule, your hours, your days off; basically your life. Flight attendants who have high seniority--the infamous "senior mamas"--have first pick on trips and days off when the monthly bidding period comes out. For the new-hires, we are left with either the trips no one wants or endless months and years on reserve.

Ah, reserve life. I miss it to an extent, but I do not miss the daily calls from crew scheduling giving me 90 minutes to be at the airport for a trip. At my airline, we have reserve periods from 4:00 AM to 6:00 PM or 10:00 AM to 12:00 AM, and depending on what period you are scheduled for, you can be called at any moment during those hours for a trip. That's right, if it is 11:58 PM and scheduling calls you for a horribly delayed Memphis turn, you are legal and must do the trip. I was only on reserve for three months. I always knew what days I would be on call, but it was the waiting for a call or the intense paranoia of missing a call that drove me insane. For flight attendants who lived at most 90 minutes away from the airport, which a majority did, they were trapped at home on reserve days. If they did manage to go grocery shopping, the minute the phone rang, they had to leave the cart filled with food in a random aisle and change into their uniform in the bathroom. 

My ringtone for crew scheduling was, and still is, a tornado siren. Every day I was on reserve, I would turn my phone's volume all the way up so even if the phone was in my pocket or in a different room, I would hear the call. If a reserve flight attendant misses a call, crew scheduling leaves a message and there is a ten minute window to return the call. If not, the flight attendant is marked as a "no-show" and has four points taken against him/her. At sixteen points, you are terminated. When I was in Orlando, I was on pure reserve from 10:00 AM to 12:00 AM, and scheduling called me virtually every day. It was exciting to receive the first few calls. I wondered where I would be flying, what aircraft, and especially with whom. During my time in Orlando, I was number 177 out of 177--at the very bottom of the totem pole. For the two months I was there, I didn't even bother bidding, save for days off I wanted.  Now almost after a year flying and at a different base, I'm number 24 out of 42. Bidding is always an exciting time and process, and I generally am awarded the certain flights and days off I choose. 

There are flight attendants at other airlines, larger than mine, who have been on reserve for years and even decades. I am thankful that after three months I received a flying line. It added more structure to daily life, but I do miss the spontaneity of being on reserve.  For those still on reserve, your time will come. We all have been there at some point, so we understand the struggle. Give it six months, and by that time, six more months will make a year. Soon thereafter you should get a flying line, and if your airline has done some aggressive hiring like some have recently, your seniority will shoot up in no time. A few more years and you'll be a coveted "senior mama":)

-EJ

Episode One: In the Beginning

I left for flight attendant training less than a week after graduating from college. It happened in a whirlwind, but it was entirely worth it! My airline hired me a month or so before I graduated school, so during the last few months at university, I kept thinking about training and what to expect. Scenes from the television program "Flight Attendant School"--which documented the lives of cabin crew trainees for Frontier Airlines--kept playing in my mind. Then came the emails with study materials: 50+ airport codes, 24 hour clock diagrams, aircraft terminology, and uniform/grooming guidelines. The few days before my flight to our Las Vegas training headquarters were spent studying and packing for a new adventure and new home.

When I was hired, our Fort Lauderdale base, where I live, did not have any openings. The closest and most convenient option, in my mind, was Orlando where the airline operates its biggest base. I had the ability to put in a base transfer after training graduation, so I kept that idea in the back of my mind. Living for five weeks in a hotel room with another trainee in Las Vegas was a huge adjustment. It was a bit like being back at college, but even there I had my own room and a somewhat regular schedule. My roommate was also from Orlando, but he was to be based in Las Vegas to start a new chapter in his life. Our class of over forty trainees was very diverse in age, race, background, and reasons as to why being a flight attendant was their goal. Some were retired, some had two jobs, and others had worked for previous airlines. For the most part, my fellow trainees were here with the goal of graduation in mind. Our instructors made it very clear that this time was not a vacation as Las Vegas will always be here after graduation. 

Training involved long twelve hour days filled with hands-on activities and class lectures. Our instructor was amazing and she really helped us all along the way. Other flight attendant classes before and after us did not have our instructor, but many of them told me they secretly wished they had. We had to abide by the airline's grooming policy during training, and even the slightest of slip-up resulted in a write-up. Punctuality was also of the utmost importance. Tardiness was not accepted, and if you were late, you were sent home. We also had to maintain 90 percent or better on all exams, written and oral, and sometimes there were two or more exams a week. 

We formed study groups to help each other tackle the massive amounts of information. My airline has three main types of aircraft: the MD-80, the Boeing 757, and the Airbus A319/A320. Training involved safety knowledge on all types. From aircraft layout to evacuation commands, cabin preparation for an emergency, and door operating procedures (as all varied based on the specific aircraft), afternoons and nights were spent drawing diagrams and inventing jingles or songs to make the information stick. 

Many people think being a flight attendant is being a "waitress/waiter in the sky." While service is indeed a part of my job, passenger safety is my priority and my career's raison d'être. In order to graduate, flight attendants are required to pass certain rigorous training exercises to prepare us to fight an on-board fire, perform CPR and AED life-saving aid to passengers, evacuate 177 or more passengers in less than 90 seconds on land and/or on water, and to protect the flight deck and other passengers through self-defense techniques. We also have to be familiar with hundreds of Federal Aviation Regulations and airline procedures. I wish training was just about serving cokes and collecting trash. If it were, our class would not have lost over ten trainees who could not compete with the tests, drills, and information. 

The day I had my wings pinned to my uniform was a momentous occasion. The hard work had paid off and I was excited to start flying. The next step was to move to Orlando where I had to report for my Initial Operating Experience (IOE) in less than a week. I didn't even have a secure place to stay! But for some reason, it didn't matter. I was ready to live in an airport hotel or crash on a friend's couch. I had good faith that something would work out, and something very much did. I stayed in a crashpad just minutes from the airport owned by a captain for the airline. Originally I was to live with two other guys, but the room wasn't then vacant. Instead, I lived with the captain, his wife, and his mother in their own house. I was treated more as a member of the family than a tenant, which made the transition so much easier.

After two and a half months in Orlando, I transferred back home to Fort Lauderdale. The FLL base is smaller and I enjoy that attribute. I know all of my fellow flight attendants and the twenty or so pilots we have based here, so flying together is more like a family trip than working with a series of complete strangers. 

Aviation has always been a passion of mine, and even when I was little, I would rearrange the dining room into an aircraft cabin and attend to my stuffed animal passengers; grandma would also play along and would be my first-class passenger. I truly love my career and the opportunities it has given me. It's so worth the 10 hour days, unexpected reroutes, late-night arrivals, delays, and disgruntled/insane passengers, more of whom you will encounter on this blog. 

Thanks for taking the time to read!

-EJ